Rogues’ Blog: Institution Declares Accountability a Serious Threat to Progress

Fictional satire.

The Rogues’ Blog · Episode 5 · Companion to The Laminator Episode 13: “Accountability”

A local institution has declared its latest action plan a success after confirming that every action has been assigned a colour.

None has been assigned a person.

“That would be premature,” Leadership explained. “We’re still agreeing what responsibility looks like.”

Across the table, Accountability put down a pen.

“A name would be a start.”

The meeting was immediately suspended for a comfort break.

The plan followed a staff survey in which employees asked for more staff, enough time and equipment that worked.

Wellbeing presented the findings with considerable concern.

“They don’t feel supported.”

“Then we must improve how we communicate our support,” said Leadership.

A teacher suggested employing somebody.

Leadership thanked her for her contribution to the communications discussion.

By lunchtime, a working group had been established to develop a shared understanding of the word “more”.

The vacancy remained unfilled.

The Laminator was delighted with the new action plan.

“It has four stages,” he explained. “Listen. Consult. Review. Repeat.”

“Where’s do?” asked a member of staff.

Leadership turned the page over.

There was room for it.

He said they should resist the temptation to overcrowd the document.

Implementation would begin immediately after the implementation meeting, which could not proceed because the people doing the work were doing the work.

Wellbeing took the attendance sheet.

“Poor engagement,” Leadership said.

“Or no cover,” she offered.

He thought for a moment.

“Put both. We’re being balanced.”

Accountability arrived without a scented candle, a slideshow or a tote bag.

This was considered an unusual introduction.

She carried one sheet of paper.

WHO IS DOING WHAT BY WHEN?

Leadership read it twice.

“We already have a framework.”

“Who is doing it?”

“It’s a shared responsibility.”

“Whose name goes here?”

“The organisation.”

“Does the organisation have a diary?”

Wellbeing asked whether everyone might benefit from a grounding exercise.

Accountability asked whether the action plan might benefit from a deadline.

The first action was to improve staffing.

“Excellent,” said Accountability. “Who has authority to fill the vacancy?”

Leadership explained that recruitment was complex.

“What is the next decision, who can make it, and when will they make it?”

He explained that funding was challenging.

“Then record the funding decision needed. Give it an owner. Tell staff what is blocked.”

Leadership looked towards the door.

“Can we record that we’ve had a very robust conversation?”

“You can. It won’t fill the vacancy.”

The Laminator quietly turned his temperature down.

A progress report was produced.

It listed six meetings, three consultations, a refreshed logo and a substantial improvement in the quality of the paper.

“What has changed for the people waiting?” Accountability asked.

“The font,” said Leadership. “Much more accessible.”

“Good. Can they get an appointment?”

He pointed to the font again.

Stan, who had been listening from the doorway, pulled up a chair.

“This is the bit we keep asking.”

Leadership made a note to review the visitor policy.

Wellbeing was concerned about the tone.

“People can feel very exposed when you ask who is responsible.”

“Staff feel exposed when they’re left to deliver a promise nobody has resourced,” Accountability replied.

“We don’t want a blame culture.”

“Neither do I. Record who can make the decision. Give the people doing the work what they need. If it’s blocked, say where.”

Leadership brightened.

“So we’re agreed. No blame.”

“We’re agreed. No hiding.”

He stopped brightening.

The Laminator offered to make the action plan waterproof.

“It will wipe clean,” he said.

Accountability looked at the blank space beside “Responsible person”.

“That seems to be the problem.”

For the first time in his career, the little machine waited before sealing the document.

He picked up a pen.

“Dad. This one wants names.”

Leadership raised the ear shield.

“I hear you.”

Accountability stayed.

“And when will it be done?”

Wellbeing opened a window.

Nobody had asked her to. It was the first action of the meeting that had an identifiable owner and a visible result.

It did not fill the vacancy.

Leadership later confirmed that accountability had been embedded across the organisation.

Accountability confirmed that she was still sitting in reception waiting for a date.

Stan brought her a cup of tea.

The Laminator brought the unsealed plan.

“Leave that bit open,” she said.

“Why?”

“So we can change something.”

An action plan. All plan. No action—until somebody has to answer for the gap.

By Elaine Walsh · Autism & Me

Fictional satire. All characters and quotations are invented. Any resemblance to an institution that welcomes accountability until it asks a follow-up question is entirely deliberate.

Read The Laminator Episode 13: Accountability