Rogues' Blog: Nobody Communicated, Confirms Institution Holding Three Written Requests

Fictional satire. The Rogues' Blog · Episode 7 · Companion to The Laminator Episode 15: Use Your Words.

An institution has confirmed that no communication took place on Tuesday, while holding three separate written requests from the person it says did not communicate.

"We are a Communication Friendly School," a spokesperson said, gesturing at a sign so recently laminated it was still warm. "It says so on the wall. We laminated it ourselves."

The incident began when a pupil selected the phrase I NEED A BREAK on a communication device and turned the screen towards a member of staff. Staff confirmed the phrase was legible, correctly spelled and grammatically complete, but noted that it had not been said.

"We thanked her warmly," the spokesperson said. "We said lovely. Then we asked her to use her words. We find that encouraging."

A second attempt was also not heard

The pupil then wrote the same four words on a card and held it up. The institution has described this as "a lovely bit of handwriting" and "not communication in the agreed format".

A third attempt, in which the pupil walked to the door and pointed at it, was recorded in the minutes under the heading No communication attempt was observed.

"Pointing is not a sentence," the spokesperson explained. "If we accepted pointing, where would it end? Nodding. Crying. Leaving. We would be hearing things all day long."

The committee responds decisively

A review meeting was convened, at which it was agreed that the pupil has a communication difficulty. A communication target has been set. The target is: use spoken words.

One long-serving staff member is understood to have said, "She told you three times." This contribution was noted, thanked, and not minuted.

The new target has been printed on A4, laminated, and mounted beside the Communication Friendly sign, where it catches the light beautifully.

At the time of going to press the tablet was still on the table, face up, reading I NEED A BREAK. Nobody has picked it up. The institution says it remains committed to listening and will review the matter at the next meeting, which is in March.

Fictional satire. Any resemblance to a real school, service or official is coincidental. The target is the system, never the child.

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