Rogues’ Blog: International Summit Agrees Nobody Will Be Left Behind Until They Complete Registration

FICTIONAL SATIRE — All institutions, incidents and quotations below are invented. The target is performative inclusion and administrative barriers, not people seeking support.

Delegates at a fictional international summit have unanimously endorsed a commitment to leave nobody behind, with a modest exception for people unable to complete registration.

The meeting brought together representatives of the Department of Seamless Transitions, the Office of Joined-Up Thinking and a contractor who had accidentally been booked into both.

Leadership described the declaration as an important breakthrough. “For the first time, every agency has agreed somebody should be responsible.”

The difficulty emerged when the chair asked who. Several delegates had connecting flights. Others explained that responsibility fell outside their geographical remit, although the launch photograph did not.

Portal offered to solve the problem using artificial intelligence. In under a second it generated a list of 47 potential departments and an invoice for simplifying the citizen journey.

Inês, a visiting engineer, asked what would happen when the system made a mistake. The demonstration switched to a different slide. This was presented as an example of adaptability.

Stan drew a single box headed PERSON WHO WILL FOLLOW UP. After a prolonged exchange, one delegate put a name in it. Ruth received the name and a realistic update date.

The declaration was amended to record one action assigned. Nobody described the family’s problem as solved, which made the closing press release several paragraphs shorter.

The Laminator produced a badge reading SOMEBODY and handed it to the delegate. Leadership asked whether an advisory version was available.

Autism & Me resources: https://www.autismandme.ie/education-hub